"I often tell people that there are three stages you need to think about: You can't go back. You can't stay here. You must go forward," says Dr. Ray Pritchard. "There may be some good things in the past that you wish you could go back to, but in the end you have to let those go."
I just wanted to go back…I wanted to be pregnant again with two living babies, I wanted to remember every second of the pregnancy with joy. I wanted to pretend I'd never heard the words Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and I certainly wanted to forever forget the words "I'm sorry Mrs. Tummers, this baby has no heartbeat...your baby has died".....
The journey of grief is one that you must ultimately decide to complete. You cannot remain where you are right now. Time moves forward, and so must you.
And even after that I wanted to stay in the present and not move to the future at times. I didn't want my pregnancy to end because that meant every physical connection I had to Cole would be over.
And once it was all 'over' I wanted to go back desperately again or stay in the present where I could be as sad and miserable as I wanted because everyone expected it. Actually that isn't really true...people expected it when I first lost Cole but in time I know there were many who thought I should focus on Cameron and his life while I was still pregnant and most definitely when he was a newborn. I think I was so afraid that if I moved on people would forget Cole. And this feeling didn't end for a very long time... I struggled with it up to and beyond a year after my boys were born.
"You can't stay here because God's Word is always going forward," says Dr. Ray Pritchard.
In Philippians 3:14 Paul says that he moved forward toward "the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (NASB). The Christian life is not static. It is a walk with God that moves you forward into a larger life with God.
Letting go and moving ahead is so hard at times and it often can't happen until you are truly ready. I wish I'd known how much God could have helped me to feel ready, to feel supported and secure.
God's Word speaks to you clearly: "I have set before you life . . . now choose life" (Deuteronomy 30:19).
Deuteronomy 3015 “Now listen! Today I am giving you a choice between life and death, between prosperity and disaster. 16 For I command you this day to love the Lord your God and to keep his commands, decrees, and regulations by walking in his ways. If you do this, you will live and multiply, and the Lordyour God will bless you and the land you are about to enter and occupy.
19 “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This[b] is the key to your life. And if you love and obey theLord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”
The Lord's plan for your life is pure and simple during this time of grief: "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8 NASB).
Yes, Lord, I do choose life. May I simply walk with You. Take my hand and guide me through every moment of this day. Amen.