Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Third Principle of the Journey: Be Involved

"Don't imagine that you're gonna tough this out and make it all by yourself," says Dr. Jim Conway.
I don't think I ever thought that but I also never saw myself as 'needing' anyone for grief either if that makes sense.  I needed distraction, I needed company, I needed help with the older boys but I never thought I needed someone to share everything with...I mean I shared it with EVERYONE didn't I....
Do you have a person with whom you can share your innermost feelings about your loss? Take action to find someone. Often it is helpful to find someone who has experienced a loss similar to your own.
And this I now realize is something I didn't do.  I didn't have anyone I shared EVERYTHING with.  I told bits and pieces to different people but no one heard my innermost fears, feelings, emotions and thoughts.  I would share abit with one person but if their response wasn't what I needed or wanted to hear then I shut down and stopped talking or spent forever trying to 'swing them' to my way of thinking....when no one but me could really think this about this situation...because I was and am the only one who carried Cole Edward Ryan Tummers. 
Pray first that God will direct you. Then make a list of family members, friends, neighbors, and coworkers with whom you might share. Pick up the phone and plan a time to meet and talk. You might also call your local church and explain that you just need someone to talk to about your situation. Another idea is to find a grief support group where you can share, ventilate, talk, and find support from others who can truly relate.1
I really encourage you to do this.  Having more then one person is ok but try to share the deepest parts of you, with your grief, with someone. 
There was a man all alone;
    he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
    yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,
    “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”
This too is meaningless—
    a miserable business!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
 (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12).

Lord, direct us to the person You want us to have as a friend and confidant during this time of grief. Help us to confide and hold nothing back so that we may feel supported and so that our loss may be validated. Amen.

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