Friday, October 25, 2013

The Choice of Forgiveness, the Idol of Unforgiveness

Good morning Father God!
Today I thank you for the snow you have brought to us.  It might not be my favourite season but the beauty of it is not lost on me.
I praise you once again for the opportunities to be in your word.  When Geoff's hours at work first changed I was feeling a bit angry. Selfishly I wanted to have my morning exercise time, my run and walk time, to not be changed, for my routine to not be disturbed.  I now can see your hand in this Lord and I thank you for the opportunities you have given me to rise each morning and spend time with, in your word and in your presence.
The last few days have brought the thoughts of forgiveness to my mind and I just feel I need to reflect on this in your presence.  I have read some amazing words about what forgiveness does and what not forgiving destroys.  It has made me realize that I do have some unforgiveness in my heart and I need to pray through that.  Sometimes I think I have done this and then it comes up to bite me real hard.  What my recent reading has taught me is that if we don't give this completely over to you then we are giving the enemy a foothold in our lives.  Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.  It doesn't come naturally at times.  I have a really hard time letting go of some of the disappointments that have occurred in my life and I will publicly admit (well to anyone who reads this lol) that I hang a lot of that on Geoff.  I know it's not going to get me anywhere, it's not going to change anything...and yet I do it time and time again.  I need to choose to forgive him for all that has happened to cause the job unrest he's had.  I need to choose to see the good in what it has caused.  I need to rejoice in what has happened, not focus on what has not.  When you don't forgive someone then that person becomes an idol that you place before God... what??? That I place BEFORE God... so by not forgiving Geoff for this job unrest, I am putting him in the way of my relationship with the you God.  I am saying that what he can't do is more important then what you can.  I become bitter towards him and this bitterness consumes me.
He's not the only one.  I have unforgiveness in my heart for how my family, most especially my mom, treats Geoff and how my mom treated me growing up.  I say I have forgiven her but when those doubts about things creep in my head then I am back to hanging it on her, on them.  I need to hand it over to you God.  I can not forgive on my own strength God.  I need you Lord.  Show me where unforgiveness lives in my heart and help me to release it forever.  You have forgiven me for all my sins and all my future why can't why I forgive others.  I am not more important then You so why should my actions say otherwise.  Forgive me Lord  for my unforgiveness Lord.
And Lord help me to see that these things that surround my unforgiveness are just trials.  There are just things that needed to be placed in my life.  My journey is not my own.  It is yours.  My trials are also not my own...they are ours.  Yours and mine.  Only you can get me through them.  Help me to see that they are there for a purpose, remind me time and time again of where the trials I already have journeyed have taken me spiritually.  Help me let go of my plans for my life and surrender them to you...your plan is better then anything I can ever have imagined.
Lord you are so amazing and you have so many great things in my life.  I am so very blessed to have the trials that I have had for they have strengthened me and brought me closer to you.  Help me to see this always and help me to endure the next trial and the trial after that with my eyes on you....looking only forward, looking only to you for help.
I praise you today and always!

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