Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Grief Is Disruptive

Day 9

Grief affects everything you do. It can disrupt every aspect of your life in ways you might not expect.

"I don't think I had time to think because psychologically I wasn't with it," says Nancy, whose husband passed away. "I would do stupid things. I would be coming home thinking I was on X Street, and then I'd realize, 'Well, I'm on the wrong street.' It was dumb things like that." 

Just today in group I created for the loss of one twin to TTTS there was a mom talking about how hard of a time she is having and how she just can't seem to function.  Losses like ours, where you lose a twin before or during birth or in the newborn stage are even more difficult to manage I think because you are not only grieving, you are also caring for a newborn baby, often a newborn baby born prematurely.  It takes all you have to manage a newborn and still run a household but add grief to that and you have a very disruptive and stressful time.  
For me, losing my sense of 'control' was very hard during my grieving stages.  First I 'lost' control when I had just begun some form of grieving and then had my water break and I ended up in hospital again and was preparing to meet my very premature son who was not given a very good prognosis.  I remember meeting with the social worker and being fixated on the fact that I could not go out an buy the matching items I had wanted for my twins.  I liked things to be predictable, I didn't like or want this change.  I had no idea at the time that I could give it to God and he would help guide me to where I needed to be.  
When life seems chaotic and your world has lost its predictable order, remember that God does not change. Like Nancy, you may find yourself driving down the wrong road, but God is with you, and He is able to get you to your destination.

It took me a long time to realize that God was right beside me...always.  That as I felt lost, He was there and he was ready to pick me up and carry me wherever I needed to go. 

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you

"What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every GOD-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him makes it" (Psalm 18:30 MSG).

Creator God, You are a steadfast presence in my forever-changed world. Amen.

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