Worth it all

Heavenly Father;
What a wondrous thing it is to have yet another day in your presence.  And yet how often do I not rise thinking that way.  Some days I get up with a sense of dread, a sense of worry, a sense of panic.  It's hard not to.  Life is pretty stressful lately.  I wonder how I am to feed this family, provide for this family.  I wonder how I can keep it all together and get everyone out the door (and that rarely happens as you know).  I wonder how I can encourage others when I feel so discouraged at times.
But I only need to look to you and all you have done to realize that it is worth it.  You brought this amazing child into this world.  A child who changed everything.  He changed how people thought and he changed how people acted.  And then his life was brutally taken away...your child, taken away.....oh how I can relate!  But it didn't end there, the pain that you felt, that the world felt was worth it because HE CAME BACK!!!
It's hard to see our trials that way God, as being worth it.  But I know they are.  Our trials strengthen and challenge us.  They bring us closer to you because we get to the point where we realize that there is nothing left to do but to lean on you.  Us humans are stubborn, we're self reliant.  We need to realize we can NEVER do it alone.
I need to realize this.  I need to remember that you are with me every step of the way.  I need to see what those like Apath and Paul saw... that they, in their earthly lives, may never see the results of their efforts here on earth but that doesn't mean they aren't results and it doesn't mean that they would not see them from heaven.
And even better then this is that just because I can't see an end in this tunnel of financial stress and trying times what I will see, if I just open my eyes, is that by enduring these trials with my faith still in tact, with the ability to praise you on my tongue daily, I will change lives too.  Those around me will be changed, will be inspired...they will look to you as I have looked to you because they will see how doing so kept me going.
The sacrifices that Paul made were worth it.  The torture, the imprisonment were worth it as he was given the crown of righteousness...and he was given this because his faith never wavered and he praised you til his dying days.  Jesus sacrifice was worth it...his death changed the world.
Who am I to think that my sacrifice isn't worth it, that the trials I am enduring aren't making a difference somewhere?
God please just remind me that this is not my life, it is yours.  This world is not my home, it's just stopping ground for you to use me to better the world, the change others.  My prize is still coming, I won't know fully what it is til I am in your presence in Heaven.
Guide me Lord to make the choices that will bring me ever closer to  you but also ever closer to the life you want me to live to be a witness for others.  I am your servant Father...even if I do choose to serve myself at times.  Keep me focused Father God and bring me ever closer to you.
Amen